Local Man Would Have Gone For It There

Stunning and brave.

US Olympic Committee Suggests Full Blown War As New Event

A historic nomination.

NFL Coach Suffers Humiliating Punishment of Million-Dollar Buyout

What a loser.

Local Man Lost Without Need to Check Fantasy Team’s Injury Status

Without a cause.

Whichever Team Won the NBA Cup or Whatever Probably Riding High Off That Thing They Got

Whatever.

Report: Men 86% More Likely to Remember Fourth-String Running Back Than Name of Second Cousin

Ol' what's his name?

Terrorist Attack Delays Sugar Bowl

Not satire.

Study: 96% Of Parents Prefer Punishing Kids By Making Them Watch First Take

Grounded.

Local Man Starts Taking Workouts Seriously After Turning Hat Backward

Serious, bro.

Conor Mcgregor Announces Fight With Own Ego

Fight of the year?

The NFL...on Netflix!?

Fan’s Christmas Gift to Himself Includes Lakers Tickets, Lifelong Debt

Christmas came early.