Majority of Americans Fine With Singing ‘Happy Birthday’ Instead of National Anthem Before Sporting Events

By Meg Reid

NEW YORK—A surprising new survey finds that 76% of Americans think it would be “fine” to sing the “Happy Birthday” song instead of the customary national anthem before sporting events. The survey, designed to understand the latest trends in fan experience preferences, was released Friday.

The slightly more-than-neutral enthusiasm for making the song swap comes as political tensions in America have risen in recent weeks, though there is no indication that this response is related to that. The survey included questions about political viewpoints, and the response of “fine” was common across the spectrum, making it one of the few issues that unite an increasingly divided country.

When asked for his opinion on the matter, local sports fan Brad Nichols replied, “Yeah, I guess that would be okay,” as he watched baseball at sports bar Local 16. “I’m a patriot through and through, but this is fine by me. What’s more American than celebrating your birthday, even if it’s not?”

Fellow sports fan Michelle Divens agreed from the other end of the bar. 

“I’m no fan of the current president, but that’s not why I feel mostly alright about this idea. Everyone knows the birthday song words, and it’s bound to be at least one person at the stadium’s birthday, which would be nice for them. So sure, why not?”

Nico Iamaleava has a complicated story going right now. The President made headlines with his mouth (evergreen). Major League Fishing experienced a tragedy. Rob Manfred hates Bannanas.

If implemented, the change would be a marked departure from a long-standing American tradition of, for some reason, combining competitions of physical strength and skill with shows of patriotism.

Fan experience researcher Dr. Teva Frederick said the results took her aback. 

“These findings are very unexpected, because why would anyone even think to ask that question?” Dr. Frederick responded. “Are you sure this wasn’t like an April Fool’s Day thing that went too far?”

End of the Bench has verified the authenticity of the survey, which also found that respondents thought it would be “pretty uncool” to sing “Party in the U.S.A.” by Miley Cyrus, “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi, or “The Bad Touch” by the Bloodhound Gang during the seventh-inning stretch of baseball games. Instead, they preferred to stick with the classic baseball anthem “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”

“What kind of survey methodology allows for response categories like ‘fine’ and ‘pretty uncool’?” Dr. Frederick commented in an exasperated tone.

At press time, an off-key version of “Happy Birthday” could be heard emanating from Local 16 as fans came together to begin a new, if puzzling, American tradition.

End of the Bench will have more on this story after we sing the National Anthem.

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