Teen Athlete Banned From Dick’s Sporting Goods For Saying “Dicks” Too Many Times

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By Rebecca Jaffe

CHICAGO – A Lincoln Park teen has been banned from all Dick’s Sporting Goods stores for life after saying the word “dicks” too many times, End of the Bench has learned. 

Dustin Smith, the teen in question, believes that the sporting goods chain was wrong. 

“I’m shocked,” the junior varsity quarterback said when reached for comment. “I was just trying to show my appreciation for the store.”

Smith claims he began his shopping trip by approaching an employee to express his excitement.

“I told him how impressed I was with the size of the building itself,” Smith claimed, “Biggest Dick’s I’ve ever seen.”

The young athlete was also impressed by the different types of gear. 

“There’s so many different products,” said Smith, “I was amazed by the variety of Dick’s.” 

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It is at that point where Smith’s love for Dick’s went too far, said the store’s management team. After telling an employee, “Nothing fills me with happiness like Dick’s,” Smith was escorted off the premises by security.

Video surveillance footage shows Smith resisting the security guards’ efforts to remove him from the property, yelling, “YOU CAN’T KEEP ME AWAY FROM DICK’S. MY LOVE FOR DICK’S CONQUERS ALL.”

“I get it, it’s a good store with quality products,” said a store spokesperson “But he knew what he was doing. This isn’t our first Dick’s rodeo.”

Meanwhile, Smith and his family are “devastated” by the incident.

“I don’t understand,” Angela Smith, Dustin’s mother said. “My son just wanted to support his local Dick’s. He’s a young athlete who loves Dick’s, and I don’t see what’s wrong with that. We wanted Dick’s, but Dick’s didn’t want us back. It’s just tough to swallow.”

Despite his lifelong passion for Dick’s, Smith plans to shop for his sports apparel elsewhere from now on. 

“I’m done paying for Dicks,” he said. “No more Dick’s for me.”

End of the Bench will have more on this story after we take a look at Dick’s.

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