Tailgater Wearing Foam Finger Trying To Eat Hot Dog About To Make It Everyone’s Problem

By Brisa Sylvestre

CHESTNUT HILL, Mass. — First-time tailgater Jimmy Finch was seen in the parking lot at a Boston College tailgate refusing to take off his #1 Fan foam finger as he attempted to eat a hot dog despite seasoned advice that he was about to make a fool of himself.

“I might need a hand with this one,” said Finch as he stood brazenly in the group’s allotted parking square with the hot dog balancing on the tip of the foam finger like a cheese block on a toothpick. “Looks like they haven’t optimized foam fingers for hot dogs yet,” laughed Finch as if someone should have done that already.

Boston College hot dog vendor Bobby Schmidt quickly came under fire from fellow tailgaters after they discovered that he had provided the hot dog to Finch while he was wearing the foam finger.

“Hey, I attempted to talk Finch into taking the foam finger off before giving him the hot dog, telling him no one would touch the finger if you removed it for a few minutes. But he wouldn’t listen,” griped Schmidt as he proceeded to hand a hot dog to the mascot, who was wearing a full eagle suit.

When pressed if he would please take the foam finger off for the sake of others, Finch replied, “Not a chance. Nice try, though. " As he continued to walk around the tailgate with the hot dog, he said, " Nom, nom, nom!”

“If anyone has any ideas on how to eat this, I’m all ears,” pressed Finch as he stood in the middle of a game of cornhole and pretended to toss the dog saying, “Incoming! Haha! Here comes my hot dog from the #1 Fan!!”

He then tried to corral the hot dog with the foam finger and slide it into his mouth off a table before juggling it around, bumping into other fans in the process, saying, “I can’t seem to eat the hot dog without poking myself in the eye with the foam finger,” and “if we glue the bun down to the foam finger, then I should be able to take a bite.”

Seasoned tailgater Mindy Chapman noted, “It’s logistically impossible to eat a hot dog while wearing a foam finger. Unfortunately, this is typical first-time tailgating behavior that Finch will hopefully outgrow in the next 15 minutes before game time,” said Chapman as she directed Finch towards the neighboring tailgate, hoping they would take him in as their own.

Finch was last seen fumbling around with a ketchup bottle, saying, “A little help here, guys…”

End of the Bench will have more on this story after we get one last hot dog.

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