Super Bowl LVIII to be Played During Intermission of Taylor Swift Concert

By Dave Walden

LAS VEGAS - The National Football League made a groundbreaking announcement that sent shockwaves through the sports and entertainment world.

“Today we are pleased to announce that Super Bowl LVIII will be played at intermission during a Taylor Swift concert on her Eras Tour,” announced Brian McCarthy, VP of Communications for the NFL. “Never in my Wildest Dreams did I imagine the NFL would be side by side with arguably the greatest musical talent the world has ever known. This is not a Hoax.”

NFL fans and Swifties have been united in their curiosity as to how this unlikely alliance materialized.

“This collaboration, or collab as the kids say, has been years in the making,” said McCarthy. “We’ve offered Ms. Swift the chance to play a Super Bowl halftime for the last ten years. While Taylor did politely thank us for the offer, the prospect of forgoing millions in concert revenue to play fifteen minutes during the most boring game of the season didn’t fit her schedule.”

Addressing the perplexed faces in the room, McCarthy added, “Not to be discouraged, the NFL finally found a way. Taylor’s first one hundred choices to play intermission fell through, but when the invite came, we quickly jumped at the chance to work with a real professional entertainer who can put a quality product on the field every single day. Lucky for us she’s also dating someone who plays on the field. Again, not a Hoax.” 

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This announcement goes far beyond one mediocre game. End of the Bench sat down for an exclusive interview with the NFL’s Chief Marketing Officer, Tim Ellis.

“Playing intermission will allow the NFL to add an entirely new marketing demographic to its rabid fanbase outside of beer-guzzling, middle-aged guys. Teenage girls aged twelve to eighteen, chaperoning moms, and dads waiting outside concerts because they don’t want to pay an eye-watering $1000 for a ticket has been a tough market for us to crack, but we believe we’ve done it,” Ellis said. “To the newest members of the NFL family, I say this, ‘You Belong with Me.’”

It was clear that this was no mere market share grab, but rather a complete evolution of the NFL product.

“Wonderful Things are ahead for us,” exclaimed Ellis. “Taylor is the embodiment of the squeaky clean girl next door. We look forward to combining this persona with the NFL’s identity of a brain-jarring, scandal-ridden league that benefits only its wealthiest owners. I’d say that together, we're Untouchable, am I right?”

Ellis also tells EOTB that the NFL brand’s days are “numbered,” as it will be completely overhauled in favor of a more delicate tone.

“We will be rebranding the National Football League altogether,” Ellis said. “Going forward the NFL will stand for “Nineteen (Eight Nine) Folklore Lover” to honor her fifth, eighth, and seventh chart-topping albums, respectively. Shake It Off, world. Taylor is here to stay.”

End of the Bench will have more on this story as soon as we calm down your grandpa.