Study: 96% Of Parents Prefer Punishing Kids By Making Them Watch First Take

By Divyansh Kulshrestha

A new study published on Thursday by the Pew Research Institute sheds new light on how parent-child relationships have evolved over the years. It concluded that almost 96% of parents now prefer punishing their kids by making them watch ‘First Take’.

“While parents of previous generations resorted to grounding their kids, taking away certain privileges, or sometimes even hitting them in order to discipline them, the parents these days have now gone a step further,” said lead researcher Alicia Lopez, “They have resorted to forcing their kids to watch Stephen A Smith on ‘First Take’ until their child cries and apologizes.”

According to the study, parents are not only showing their kids clips of the show on YouTube but also making them watch the live airing of the episodes daily so they can learn from their mistakes.

“A sizeable percentage of the parents we observed made their kids switch on ESPN at 10 AM ET on the weekdays and made them sit through Stephen A Smith’s entire monologue,” said Lopez, “In cases where the kid had done something severely wrong, the parents punished them by digging up old episodes of the show that featured Skip Bayless too.”

The study delves deeply into the effects of clickbait hot takes on unruly kids, claiming that a child’s insubordinate activities significantly come down if they listen to shouting wannabe alpha males every day.

“We noticed that there is an unexpected psychological effect on a child’s developing brain whenever Stephen A. Smith gets into it with Max Kellerman or Shannon Sharpe about LeBron’s GOAT status or how bad the Dallas Cowboys actually are,” said psychologist Trey Harmon, who was involved in the study, “Every time they suggested a braindead sports opinion on live TV with utmost shamelessness, kids grew more wary of their own actions, thus explaining why parents now use this technique as a means of discipline.”

Jamie Horowitz, executive producer of ‘First Take,’ spoke about how the findings of this study prove that their show is actually doing everything right, saying, “Many ‘critics’ think that our show is rubbish, that having heated debates over Aaron Rodgers’ ayahuasca retreats or Jokic’s love for horses is useless. Yet here we are, helping parents teach manners to their kids. And we intend to keep going this way, regardless of what these critics say.”

At press time, it was revealed that while misbehaving children were being punished with having to watch ‘First Take,’ those who were obedient and disciplined were being awarded free access to episodes of TNT’s ‘Inside the NBA.’

End of the Bench will have more on this story after we watch First Take.

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