Scottie Pippen Claims He Could’ve Given Better “Crying Jordan Meme” Than Michael Jordan

By Divyansh Kulshrestha

CHICAGO - Finding Jordan’s crying face to be inferior and not touching enough, Scottie Pippen stated Monday that he could’ve clearly given a much better crying Jordan meme than his former Chicago Bulls teammate Michael Jordan.

“If I’m being real, he’s not even doing much with his eyes,” commented Pippen, presenting a well-prepared analysis of the photo, “It was really the system around him that elevated him – he would be nothing without his tear ducts.”

Pippen told reporters that one of the main reasons he believes he could be better is because of his grueling routine of flexing his tear ducts daily which he has been following since the start of his career. 

“These things come naturally to me. With all due respect to Michael, his expressions in the image are all flash, no substance,” said Pippen. “You put a trained pro like me in there and that meme is going to be the only thing you see on the front pages of Twitter and Reddit.”

Pippen further claimed that during their training sessions together, Jordan never really practiced his crying skills.

“You can see how underdeveloped his crying game is. He does attract some sympathy; I’ll give him that," Pippen said. "But if he had spent more time fixing his crying face rather than breaking NBA records every now and then, the meme would’ve been a lot better.”

The meme originated from a photo of Jordan crying during his speech at his Basketball Hall of Fame induction ceremony, which Pippen feels is “like the worst place to start crying.” 

“You can see how much Michael just wants to make it about himself. I mean who the hell cries in front of a hall full of people who have come to celebrate you? That’s exactly the kind of mentality a loser has.”

Insinuating that the popularity of the crying face meme might have been manufactured, Pippen further attacked Jordan, saying, “Personally, I don’t believe that a photo as boring as that one could become famous. I think Michael himself made about a million burner accounts on all social media to repeatedly share the meme so that it would go viral.”

At press time, sources close to Pippen reported that the famed NBA small forward had already written his next tell-all book about how he is better meme material than Michael Jordan will ever be.