Report: He's Open

Did you not see him?

February 19, 2025

Wide open.

by Clay Beyersdorfer

LOCAL PARK NEAR YOU - Park attendees and lunchtime walkers confirmed Tuesday that the man playing wide receiver on your Saturday afternoon pick-up touch football team is indeed open.

“He’s beating his man downfield every time. How can you not see that?” said a source, who is also your teammate. “Do I need to take over or what?”

The open man in question also confirmed to EOTB that he has been “open literally the entire fucking time.”

“Throw me the fucking ball man,”  your receiver says. “Are you mad at me or something?”

At the time of publication, your team was losing by one or two touchdowns. 

Or was it three?

End of the Bench will have more on this story after we argue over the score.

Local Man Leaves Birth of Firstborn Child to Beat Post-Game Traffic

Some things are worth waiting for.

www.endofthebenchsports.com/p/local-man-leaves-birth-firstborn-child-beat-postgame-traffic

Crazed Man Pays $300 to Run 26 Miles

Absolute lunatic.

www.endofthebenchsports.com/p/crazed-man-pays-300-to-run-26-miles

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