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Report: Blonde Not Having More Fun
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Not fun.
CINCINNATI — In a shocking twist to the long-held stereotype, it appears that being blonde does not mean a person has more fun after a reported incident downtown late Sunday afternoon.
The incident in question involves a local blonde professional football quarterback’s 1-4 start to his season, which many critics say is "like, totally not fun at all.”
Adding insult to injury, a Bengals source tells End of the Bench the quarterback isn’t even a “natural goldie.”
"He thought changing his hair color this off-season might change the team’s luck or at least lighten the mood in the locker room," said the source, who spoke anonymously. "After watching some of his and the team’s play, I fear he’s invoked the wrong blonde stereotype."
The quarterback's transformation was met with initial enthusiasm by teammates and fans alike, who hoped that a lighter look might lead to lighter spirits—and more wins. But the results have been anything but uplifting.
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Teammates have remained supportive in public, but privately, some express concern.
"He was aiming for a fresh start, but maybe he took the idea of 'going light' a little too seriously," quipped one player, who also wished to remain anonymous. “Just bring back the brunette. Honestly, that was at least steady.”
The coaching staff’s patience is reportedly wearing thin, as penalties for appearance-related infractions are “being considered.”
"It's gotten to the point where his hair is the highlight of our games, and sadly, I don't mean that in a good way," commented an assistant coach. “If he had gone red, I would have understood the hate.”
Disappointed fans have also been vocal, with some suggesting the new look is more distracting than beneficial.
"I was hoping for a turnaround this season,” lamented one season ticket holder. "Now, I wish he would have turned around before he got to the salon.”
End of the Bench will have more on this story after we get these frosted tips.
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