Prime Video Requires Football Fans to Solve These Riddles Three Before Watching Thursday Night Football

By Parker Johnson

In their continued efforts to make football games even more interactive, Prime Video announced that players must first solve a few riddles before tuning in to their Thursday Night Football coverage.

“We’ve loved bringing football to our Prime Video subscribers,” head of live programming for Prime Video Kenneth Perry said when reached for comment. “But we fear it’s gotten too easy to find the game to watch. We want to ensure that the customers who come to our platform only to watch football every week have the most interactive and confusing experience we strive to create.”

Perry also discussed the dynamics of adding a live troll to the broadcast.

“We’ve brought on a troll-in-residence, Treegor of the Great Woods, to create three riddles every viewer must solve before tuning into each week’s game. Hopefully, by implementing this additional measure, more viewers will take a quarter of each game just getting the stream to load properly.” 

The newest addition to the Prime Video team was excited to get started.

“You think your job market is rough right now? Try being a little guy under a bridge who creates riddles to allow you to get across,” Treegor said. “Really pigeonholes you as far as jobs that you can look for. Thankfully, Prime Video was on the hunt for someone to make searches for their videos even more confusing. I knew right away that I was the perfect fit!”

Viewers were already leaving reviews about the new obfuscation measure, confirming that the new product was working exactly as the company intended.

“‘Before this live football game, you see, you must solve my riddles three?’ What the fuck is this, Amazon?” one fan vented on social media. “The first one was easy enough. ‘Who’s still doomed to mediocrity?’ That’s the New York Jets, obviously. But the second one was really dumb. ‘What’s black & white and read all over?’ Like, obviously I know the answer, but we’re seriously making everyone who wants to watch football answer all of these questions? What are we doing here? God, I miss cable.”

At press time, Prime Video subscribers agreed to find the game on StreamEast and watch it there.

End of the Bench will have more on this story after we figure out how to watch Thursday Night Football.

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