Pedro Martinez Won’t Admit That Tyler Gilbert is a Better Pitcher than Him

By Ben WienerOn Saturday, Tyler Gilbert, a 27-year-old pitcher with no Major League Baseball games to his name pitched a no-hitter for the Arizona Diamondbacks in his first-ever professional start. Gilbert blanked the San Diego Padres, of all teams, en route to becoming just the fourth-ever player to throw a no-hitter in his first MLB start.Bob: “So for those of you just tuning in, welcome back to Sports Talk Radio, and we just can’t stop talking today about the incredible performance last night by the Diamondbacks’ rookie, Tyler Gilbert. Only the fourth pitcher in history - in history, Jim! - to throw a no-hitter in his first Major League start!” Jim: “Amazing, simply amazing.” Bob: “Let’s open up the call-in lines. OK, next on the phone we have… Pedro? You there, Pedro?” Pedro: “Yeah hi, this is Pedro Martinez.” Bob: “Hey Pedro… wait. THE Pedro Martinez?” Pedro: “Yup.” Jim: “El Grande? Petey? Three-time Cy Young Award winner? That really you?” Pedro: “Yes, it’s me.” Bob: “Wow. Pedro, welcome to the show. I mean, how cool, right Jim? We’ve got Pedro Martinez on the line, folks. What’s on your mind, Pedro?” Pedro: “Well. I’m just tired of the big deal you all are making about this kid, Gilbert. I mean, he’s pitched one game. One goddamn game, in his whole career.” Bob: “Right. And it was a NO-HITTER! I mean, Oh my GOD!” Jim: “Amazing.” Pedro: “Uh, OK, but it was one game.” Jim: “But the kid is AMAZING!” Bob: “Pedro, I’m just looking up your career stats here, one sec. Yeah, that’s what I thought. Quick question: How many no-hitters did you pitch, in your career?” Pedro: “Well, none, but-“ Bob: “I'm sorry, what did you say? Could you speak up? I think the connection is bad. Did you say - none?” Pedro: “Right, I didn’t throw any no-hitters, but-“ Jim: “Amazing. Just Amazing.” Bob: “So let me get this straight. In one game - one game - this kid Tyler Gilbert has more no-hitters than you ever had?” Pedro: “I think you’re missing the point-“ Bob: “Missing the point? We’re here, on the show, talking about no-hitters, and with all due respect, you call in, and you have an issue with what we’re saying, and you have zero no-hitters. Just like the last guy who called in, what was his name?” Jim: “Joe, from Piscataway.” Bob: “Right, Joe from Piscataway. Know how many no-hitters Joe from Piscataway has, Pedro? Same as you - zero.” Jim: “Amazing.” Pedro: “Guys, this is ridiculous. I was an eight-time All-Star. I won the Cy Young in both leagues, goddamit. I’m in the freaking Hall of Fame.” Bob: “No no-hitters, man.” Jim: “Zero. Zip. Nada.” Bob: “Lemme ask you this, Pedro. Today, August 15, 2021. How many hits have you given up to date?” Pedro: “I dunno, I don’t have that-“ Bob: “I’m looking here at Baseball-Reference.com. Two thousand, two hundred, and twenty-one. I mean that’s literally a ton of hits. If you were a hitter and had that many hits, you’d probably be in the Hall of Fame as a hitter!” Jim: “Good point, Bob. (laughs) That’s a good one.” Bob: “And as of today, Pedro, Mr. Tyler Gilbert has given up how many hits? How many?” Pedro: “Well, none, but-“ Bob: “What’d you say? Again?” Pedro: “Gilbert has given up no hits because he pitched only one game.” Bob: “Right! And that game was - a FREAKING NO-HITTER! Know what? That's more no-hitters than you, Steve Carlton AND Greg Maddux threw in your careers, combined! You know, Jim, I can’t stand these bozos who call in and think they know what they’re talking about when they really don’t. We’re talking about no-hitters, man. I mean, Jeez.” Jim: “Amazing.” Bob: “Ok, the next caller is Mike from Hackensack. How you doin’, Mike?”