Overrated SEC Only Has 50% of Teams in Final Four

By Clay Beyersdorfer

“Clearly a down year,” say experts who just needed something to be mad about

INDIANAPOLIS — College basketball analysts nationwide issued collective disappointment Saturday evening after realizing the “vastly overrated” Southeastern Conference managed to squeeze a measly two teams, only 50 percent of the field, into the Final Four.

“It’s just pathetic,” sighed ESPN analyst Brent Millstone, furiously updating his anti-SEC Twitter thread. “You’d expect a real basketball conference to send at least five or six teams to a tournament round that only allows four. But once again, the SEC’s basketball mediocrity is fully displayed.”

The two SEC schools advancing—Alabama and Tennessee—won their Elite Eight matchups by a combined 33 points. Still, critics insist their wins were unimpressive due to a lack of Big Ten grittiness, Big East nostalgia, or Pac-12 implosion flair.

“I don’t care that Alabama shot 58% from three. Where’s the institutional struggle? Where’s the plucky underdog vibe? It just doesn’t feel like March,” said CBS’s Seth Plumb, who admitted he hasn’t watched a full SEC game since Charles Barkley played at Auburn.

Fans across the country echoed the sentiment, flooding Reddit forums with insightful commentary like “LOL, Bama plays FOOTBALL” and “SEC refs will ruin this, too.”

Meanwhile, SEC coaches shrugged off the criticism. “We’ll take it one game at a time,” said Tennessee’s Rick Barnes, polishing a Final Four trophy while being told he “hasn’t proven anything yet.”

Despite half the Final Four field being SEC teams, one prominent analyst doubled down: “The SEC isn’t built for deep tournament runs,” he said, minutes before checking the bracket and quietly deleting his March Madness preview titled “Why All SEC Teams Will Be Out By the Sweet Sixteen.”

At press time, ESPN reported an emergency panel is being assembled to explain how this year’s Final Four is “just an anomaly” and “not indicative of the SEC being good or anything.”

End of the Bench will have more on this story after we burn our brackets.

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