Nicholas Cage Insists On John Madden Biopic Ending With Beloved Announcer Set Ablaze

By Ryan David

An upcoming biopic about sports legend John Madden has cast Nicholas Cage to play the titular character, but with a strange requirement: that the film end with Madden fatefully set ablaze à la Cage’s The Wicker Man (2006).

Directed by David O. Russell, Madden will depict the iconic coach’s NFL career and the unlikely circumstances behind his renowned video game franchise's success, Madden NFL. 

At first, news that Cage had accepted the role was met with bewildered excitement given the actor’s reputation for oddball characters and unhinged meltdowns.

That development quickly turned chaotic when Cage refused to begin filming unless extensive demands were met—namely, Madden’s dramatized death by fiery sacrifice before a cheering stadium of Steelers fans.

“The plot must furiously capture the Raiders-Steelers rivalry and be a harrowing reflection of the human condition,” said Cage when reached for comment. “My terms for the project were reasonable: I can drive drunk as much as I want and the film will end with John Madden’s searing martyrdom as Queen’s We Are the Champions plays.”

Though the production is delayed over three weeks, an Amazon MGM Studios representative said negotiations are progressing. 

“When you sign a big name like Nic Cage, there are difficult accommodations,” the representative said. “But a good director manages their talent’s expectations against all constraints.” 

Scriptwriter Cambron Clark is less optimistic about incorporating the actor’s feedback. 

“It was already tough working in the coke orgies Nic wants. Creating a logical reason for John Madden to wave dual revolvers around during practice? We figured it out. But how am I going to make a feel-good biopic culminate in its beloved protagonist’s ritual slaughter by a folksy Pagan cult? Not to mention the other stuff.”

Though insistent on Madden’s immolation as the cinematic climax, Cage has compromised elsewhere.

“Nic wanted to crash a plane into the end zone after a gunfight with a pursuing helicopter, like in Face/Off,” remarked Clark. “Thankfully, I talked him out of that.”

Clark discussed some of Cage’s secondary requests, like portraying unlimited additional characters and casting John Travolta as Hall of Fame fullback Franco Harris. 

Travolta, a friend of Cage, is White. Harris was Black. According to inside sources, that problematic detail could “hamstring” the project.

“It’s not a definitive no, but it’s not looking good,” the source added. “John Travolta just isn’t black, no matter how hard he may try.”

Despite the news, Cage remains optimistic. 

“Can you imagine me and John back on the big screen again together?” he added. “Tell me that doesn’t make your nipples hard.”

How Cage will fare as the affable John Madden won’t be seen before the holdout is resolved. Until then, football fans must wait for their favorite gun-wielding sportscaster to take the big screen.

End of the Bench will have more on this story after we get into a game of Madden.

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