NBA Prospect Skips College, Draft, Career, Goes Straight to Washed-Up Podcasting

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By Devin Wallace

Highly touted prospect Anthony Brady has made the shocking decision to forgo the usual pathway to his career, opting to skip college basketball, the upcoming 2024 NBA draft, and his entire professional career to become a washed-up podcaster with garbage opinions.

The five-star recruit turned down offers from USC, Kansas, and the G-League, ultimately choosing a spot on a pleather couch surrounded by microphones and his two dumbest friends.

“Growing up, I would spend hours watching highlights of my idols,” said Brady, signing a sponsorship deal with Manscaped. “Paul Pierce rambling about the ‘08 Celtics, Draymond Green threatening to assassinate Rudy Gobert and Gilbert Arenas saying he doesn’t know anyone named Steph Curry. I knew my name would be up one day in those same lights, the knock-off studio lights they bought on Amazon.”

Some pro scouts doubt he’s ready, saying he respects current players too much and unfortunately displays a basic understanding of the modern game.

“Sure, his dribbling and long-range shooting are great, but I’ve never heard him say the phrase ‘back in my day.’”, said Bucks scout Darren McCann. “I guess he could have a decades-long All-Star career in the NBA, but he’ll never survive in the world of washed-up podcasting. You need to be wild, you need to be out of pocket, you need to knock back three rum-and-cokes on camera and declare, with no smirk or smile, that Joel Embiid is worse than Dick “No Legs” Dockins.”

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Brady’s inner circle, including his father Randall, is convinced this unconventional path will guarantee success at the highest level of Top 100 NBA Podcasts on Apple Music.

“It’s the best way to ensure he gets in front of as many aggrieved, clickbait-hungry fans as possible,” said the elder Brady, showing his son flashcards all printed with the word LeBum. “There is a risk with other options. He could get better in college, which leads to a higher draft spot, and then he’s dominating the league year after year. We can’t have that. All those things prevent him from his true destiny: laughing at a Jeff Teague story.”

According to reports, the early feedback is exactly what Brady’s camp wanted. 

Social media clips feature millions of fans commenting with similar responses of “What happened to that guy,” “Wow, he looks rough,” and skull emoji, skull emoji, clown face emoji.

Brady is confident that this path will work best for him, ultimately leading to the dream every child has: reading advertisements for Indeed.com to teenagers watching the clips on their iPhones.

End of the Bench will have more on this story after we buy a podcasting mic.