MLB Sells out Tommy Pham vs Joc Pederson Rematch

By Rich Taylor

CINCINNATI - The June 24 contest between the Cincinnati Reds and San Francisco Giants has reportedly sold out, in anticipation of a rematch scuffle between Tommy Pham and Joc Pederson.

The rematch comes on the heels of an altercation last month when the Reds’ Pham “pimp slapped” the Giants’ Pederson during pre-game warmups over a fantasy football dispute.

The rumble was previously announced by Los Angeles Angels outfielder and commissioner of Pham and Pederson’s fantasy football league at the center of their first altercation, Mike Trout. 

“Our best chance to squash this beef before it spills into other underground fantasy groups and takes all of baseball down,” said Los Angeles Angels outfielder and commissioner of Pham and Pederson’s fantasy football league, Mike Trout. “It’s time we end this once and for all.”

Although he previously called Trout “the worst commissioner in fantasy sports,” Pham is said to be looking forward to “getting his rumble on later this month.”

Pederson, who had earlier tried to diffuse the situation by sending humorous gifs to Pham, was less than thrilled with the upcoming matchup. 

“Instead of having a sanctioned brawl, I feel like there must be a funny meme or something that we could all laugh at together and put this behind us,” Pederson said. “I really don’t want to die over this, but Trout is the best player in the game and just a really great dude, so I guess we’re gonna do this.”

Insiders report that team representatives have been negotiating rumble rules during subsequent games via FaceTime calls from their respective bullpens. While nothing has been finalized, it appears that most teammates not directly involved in the dispute are anxious to deescalate the situation prior to the scheduled violence.

“I make $7 million a year to come in and face maybe six batters a week for seven months a year,” said one left-handed reliever involved in discussions. “Please explain to me why I should want to get garroted or shivved because Tommy sucks at fantasy football. I already have an ‘understanding’ with a guy over in their locker room and we’re just going to find each other and pretend slap fight until Trout blows his Gjallarhorn signaling the end of the battle.”

Many fans who rushed to purchase tickets are hoping that cooler heads do not prevail.

“I hope they get to use their bats,” said one silver and black face-painted Bay Area ticketholder. “Or nun chucks or even katana blades. Something like that would be pretty badass.”