MLB Rookie Wonʼt Stop Bragging About Finally Getting to Second Base

By Henry Loe

NEW YORK—Yankee Stadium erupted last night when rookie shortstop Benny Nixon drove a fastball to deep center, giving him enough space to finally get to second base, a long-awaited milestone sources tell End of the Bench he hasnʼt shut up about since.

“The stadium was electric when Benny got to second,ˮ said the umpire, recounting the intimate moment. “However, it did get a little weird when he wouldnʼt let go of the base, and I had to pry him off of it. He just kept saying, ‘Give me five more minutes.’ I think he even cried a little. We eventually just had to call him out. You could tell it was his first time.ˮ

Although it was a huge night for Nixon, his teammates were sick and tired of hearing him blabber about how he'd “dove head-first into the bag.”

“Before he got to second base, Benny was as humble as can be, but now he’s all cocky walking around town like The Fonz,ˮ said Yankees outfielder Aaron Judge, who has gone all the way over 50 times this season and is on track to do so at least 10 more times by the end of the month.

“We all know that none of that matters unless you score. So, call me when you go all the way, bud,” Judge added.

Yankees manager Aaron Boone said he could care less about Nixonʼs behavior and was glad to see him build some confidence.

“I saw him get to second base many times in college, so for me, it was nothing new. That said, I wish he would stop giving me a play-by-play of what happened every time I see him, especially with all the unnecessary details. Why would I need to know what it felt like when your fingers touched the bag? Something tells me the kid needed this one more than we know. Maybe he is just insecure about being a shortstop.ˮ

Nixon shared what he called “the defining moment of his career” during a brief post-game interview in the Yankee clubhouse.

“It feels incredible to get over the hump finally, ya know,ˮ the rookie said as he put on a leather jacket and lit a cigarette. “I got around the bases easily in high school and college. But this is the big leagues, so I had to put in more effort. The newly enlarged bags the MLB put in this season sure helped a ton.ˮ

At press time, Nixon stated that he was still waiting for the right pitch to go all the way with and was focusing on playing the field.

End of the Bench will have more on this story after we get to second base.

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