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Los Angeles to Add Third NFL Team No One Cares About
Nobody cares.
In partnership with
Ghost town.
By Joe Fernandez
LOS ANGELES—Enthusiasm was at an all-time high Tuesday, as the NFL announced it will add a third football team to Los Angeles that no one cares about.
“The lack of tradition and passion for the game of football is so strong in this city,” Commissioner Roger Goodell said at a press conference. “The fan's level of apathy towards the Rams, the Chargers, the Raiders, the Rams again, and the sport of football, in general, have led us to this exciting decision to bring another team to the Los Angeles metropolitan area for people to have zero passion for.”
During the press conference, Goodell was peppered by LA journalists with questions about the Lakers and Dodgers, knowing full well those are the teams their readers actually care about.
“What do you think about the Lakers chemistry following the Luka Doncic trade?” one columnist asked.
“Oh, they’ve been great. It was a solid trade,” Goodell responded, flanked by the new team owner and general manager, whose names no one bothered to learn.
“Do you think the Dodgers can be the first repeat World Series champions since the 2000 Yankees?” asked another journalist.
“I mean, considering all they’ve done is add Blake Snell and three of the best relievers in baseball, I think, yeah, they MAY have a shot,” he quipped with a sarcastic eye roll, causing the room to erupt in laughter before forgetting why they were even there, to begin with.
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Fans said they couldn’t wait to show complete disregard for yet another football team in a market that has made it clear it doesn’t care about football.
“Oh yeah, I’m so psyched,” fan Hector Gonzalez said while wearing a Lebron James jersey and a Dodgers baseball cap. “Not paying attention to LA football teams is a hallmark of the city.”
Fellow fan Marcus Tucker agreed.
“I think a football team that all of us can support without feeling strongly about one way or the other is just what the city needs after what we’ve been through this year.”
When asked about team name options, Goodell said the team had decided on the Los Angeles Clippers since that one hasn’t been taken yet.
Reporters in the room said they felt an imperceptible energy somewhere in the world of James Harden, Kawhi Leonard, and Steve Ballmer, shaking their heads in disappointment, but couldn’t explain why.
End of the Bench will have more on this story after we head to Los Angeles.
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