Local Fan Also Not Reporting to Mini-Camp (It’s Too Hot)

By Devin Wallace

Following in the footsteps of NFL stars like D.K. Metcalf and Terry McLaurin, New Jersey local Terry Bruzio informed the New York Giants he would also be skipping mini-camp, mostly because it’s been a pretty hot summer.

“Look, I love this team, but I need to take care of myself,” said Bruzio while sitting shirtless in front of his bedroom A.C. “This is a huge year for me - I finally got season tickets - so I can’t be gettin’ heatstroke or nothing at mini-camp. It’s been, like, 85 freakin’ degrees three days in a row. The human body can’t handle that.”

Bruzio’s inner circle seems to be in support of his stand.

“F that heat, man,” said Bruzio’s friend Frankie Cobb. “Someone’s gotta take a stand, and I’m glad it’s Frankie. The sun has gotta learn it can’t keep being this hot. Every man has a limit. When I got back from the Wawa yesterday, my Klondike bars already melted. Melted! You can’t push guys like this.”

Team officials reportedly are not worried about Bruzio’s holdout.

“We don’t usually get too many fans at mini-camp,” said Giants Publicity Director Karen Bryant. “Honestly, it’s for the best. Half of those guys drink a cooler full of Coronas and pass out in the stands by noon. It’s not easy dragging a dehydrated 35-year-old out of some metal bleachers, trust me.”

Bruzio continued to make his stand clear through the media, including a Facebook post that read: “No way am I driving to meldowlands (sic) today, 92 degs, who hosting BBQ?”