Jake Paul Announces Next Fight With Muhammad Ali’s Corpse

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By Divyansh Kulshrestha

LAS VEGAS - In a move that has shocked boxing fans and morticians worldwide, influencer turned professional boxer Jake Paul announced Sunday that his next opponent will be boxing legend Muhammad Ali’s corpse.

“People keep saying I need to show them I’m the real deal by fighting real boxers, legends of the sport,” Paul said at a press conference held outside a local mausoleum. “Well, here you go. I’m fighting the greatest of all time. What more do you want?”

Sources tell End of the Bench that Paul’s team plans to bring in the best gravediggers, autopsy technicians, and embalming teams to plan how to get Ali back in the ring eight years after his death.

“Trust me, with the team we’ve gotten, even Wilt Chamberlain could drop 100 in an NBA game tomorrow. They’re legit as fuck,” Paul told reporters. “That’s stupid. If we had that black magic shit that could revive someone, why wouldn’t I use it to, like, bring back Yoda and learn how to master the Force or something, you know what I’m saying.”

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Fans of the self-proclaimed “bad boy of YouTube” around the world are highly excited about the fight, claiming that this was going to be the toughest fight for the corpse of Ali and that he wouldn’t be able to run away from this “like he ran away from the Vietnam war.”

“Sure, he might’ve been the undisputed champion from 1974 to 1978, and he might’ve won the Fighter of the Year title six times, but he’s never been up against the only man who has beaten Nate Robinson and Ben Askren via knockout,” said 11-year-old diehard Jake Paul fan Trent Johnson, who has a Jake Paul tattoo on his neck and wears an ‘Impaulsive’ hoodie, “I’ve already started saving my pocket money to buy tickets for the match. No school lunches for me this month.”

When asked about the logistics of the fight, Paul’s promoter Rick Jenkins explained that they’re currently working on the technical details, including a special ring built just next to Ali’s grave at the Cave Hill Cemetery in Louisville and a few new rules. 

“We’re thinking of upping the stakes a bit. Whoever gets knocked out, gets thrown into the grave,” Jenkins said. “We’re looking at a six-round fight, mostly for preservation reasons. We also want to respect the champ, you know?”

At press time, End of the Bench was unable to get a comment from Muhammad Ali’s corpse regarding the fight.

Doubling down on his efforts of beating up other boxers way out of their prime, Paul has also called out other dead boxing legends like Sugar Ray Leonard, Henry Armstrong, and Joe Louis, all of who are dead.

End of the Bench will have more on this story after we dig up a few graves.