I Will Sit Out the Entire 1956 NBA Season to Conduct My Own Research on The Polio Vaccine

By Doug KolicI was genuinely psyched for this upcoming 1956-57 basketball season with my team, The Rochester Royals. But since the NBA is trying to force the polio vaccine down my throat (or whatever torturous delivery method they choose), I’ve decided to sit out the entire year in order to do my own, independent research. Am I a scientist? No. Am I a researcher? No. Am I someone who is skeptical of anything NBA Commissioner Maurice ‘The Commie’ Podoloff and his lapdogs want to shove in my body? Maybe.Don’t get me wrong, I’m not declaring that polio is a hoax. I‘m also not declaring that it’s not NOT a hoax. I’m just saying, at this point in time, there needs to be more independent research by unqualified athletes who have a wicked skyhook, like me. I won’t be coming into this investigation totally unprepared, however. No Sirree. I’ll be using all the big science-type stuff that I figure researchers probably use for important tasks like this. I’m talking Bunsen burners, needles, flasks, tubes (of all sizes), pie graphs, pie tarts, apple pies, & cherry pies (my personal favorite). I want my fans to know that I support them whether they get the polio vaccine or not, and hope they feel the same way about me. Remember, it’s important to do what’s best for you. Not necessarily what’s best for the survival of our entire species. Even though I’m forfeiting my entire season’s salary ($14), I’m more than confident that I’ll have enough resources to eventually prove that the earth is indeed, flat. Sincerely, Chuck ‘The Skyhook Skeptic' Robertson