Golfer Ends Round 7-Over the Number of Beers He Promised His Wife

By Devin Wallace

NEAREST PUBLIC GOLF COURSE - Local golfer Colin Wilson’s weekend round of golf at his local public golf course ended in a disappointing fashion, after drinking seven more beers than he promised his wife, Cheryl, he would

Onlookers describe problems beginning right before tee time for Wilson and his three college buddies who made up the day’s foursome when Clark Shugitsky dared Wilson to shotgun a loose Black Cherry White Claw he found at the bottom of his bag.

“He didn’t get off to a great start,” said caddy Jackson Grant as he dragged a garbage bag of the groups' beer cans to the clubhouse dumpster. “Once he got a few Claws in him, the game plan fell apart. The guy even used Uber Eats to have someone deliver him a Four Loko on the 7th hole.”

Sources tell End of the Bench that the groups trailing Wilson and his friends became optimistic the pace of play would quicken around the third hole when Wilson was seen retrieving a turkey sandwich out of a cooler to sober up; however, all hope was abandoned after Wilson proceeded to hit the sandwich off his tee and shotgun two Miller Lites.

Wilson, who reportedly told his wife that he’d have two beers maximum so that he’d have the energy to help re-paint the living room later, stressed the importance of forgetting the entire incident and trying to move on.

“Is it what I wanted to happen? No. Is it what my wife wanted to happen? Definitely not, and I’m sure I’ll hear all about that in the morning,” said Wilson as he was gently loaded into the back seat of Shugitsky’s Chevy Tahoe. “But as any amateur golfer and stressed-out father of two will tell you…wait, guys are we getting food on the way home?”

Cheryl Wilson could not be reached for comment and was spotted packing up the kids for an impromptu weekend trip at her sister’s.

End of the Bench will have more as this story develops.