Gary Bettman Entices Sale of Ottawa Senators by Throwing in Free Bus Pass

By Matt Grimminck

NEW YORK – National Hockey League Commissioner Gary Bettman has announced that the sale of the Ottawa Senators will now include a free bus pass, End of Bench has confirmed.

“We spent all yesterday negotiating with OC Transpo, the public transit system in Ottawa, and I think we worked something out,” said Bettman as he addressed the media. “The next owner of the Ottawa Senators will get a free one-year bus pass for all public transit in Ottawa. I’m sure this move will pique the interest of buyers - or at least take attention away from the Arizona Coyotes playing in an arena without proper dressing rooms.”

The team has been up for sale since the previous owner, Eugene Melnyk, passed away last March. Canadian-born actor Ryan Reynolds is one of the highest-profile buyers linked to the team.

“Holy chimichanga juice! A free bus pass really sweetens the pot. I’m looking for my checkbook as we speak,” said Reynolds on the phone from his house in Los Angeles. “If there’s one thing I miss about being rich and famous, is that I don’t get to ride public transit anymore. Think of the money I’ll save not having to pay a limo driver!”

Ottawa hockey fans now have something to look forward to. After years of failing to make the playoffs and playing in a poorly located arena, the bus pass initiative could be the hook to bring fans back.

End of the Bench will have more as this story develops.