Four Times Thomas Jefferson Mentioned His Layup Package in the Declaration of Independence

By Jackson HellerIn the middle of the Second ParagraphJefferson writes ‘But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, much like trying to guard me in the paint, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. – Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies.' In the Fourth Mentioned Wrongdoing of King George IIIHe has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.He has resorted to tripping me while I drove in for an unstoppable layup in the last quarter of the Colonists vs. Aristocrats game, when the score stood 75-73.In the Second to Last ParagraphThey too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. Their ignorance of the simple rights of man has been as egregious as the three hundred and sixty-degree reverse finisher I hit on James Madison two fortnights ago. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.Right at the EndAnd for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the We, therefore, the Representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; each as diverse and diplomatically astute as one of my many signature layups shall work as one to create these United States, screaming ‘AND ONE!’ with the guttural passion of the American people.