Fantasy Football Team Saves Best Performance of the Year for 3rd Place Game

By Kelley Greene

SEATTLE - After a long year of ups and downs, Tyler Bullock’s fantasy football team, “The Dolla’ Bills,” had its best game of the year on Sunday, sources tell End of the Bench, just in time to win him 3rd place in his league.

“I had, statistically, the best draft of anyone in the league,” Bullock said. “I thought for sure I was gonna win the whole thing this year. But then Josh Allen threw 3 interceptions in week one, and every one of my players was just totally inconsistent all year. I went into a dangerous spiral and quit taking care of myself for a while, so I needed this.”

“I’d put a guy in, he’d play bad, I’d bench him, and the next week he’d score two touchdowns,” Bullock continued. “It felt like Davante Adams and Terry McLaurin had some kind of personal vendetta against me. I still believe that, but now all of a sudden everyone is playing at the top of their game, and it’s great, but like, why couldn’t they have done this last week? Did I do something wrong?”

Rob Peters, Bullock’s college roommate and current opponent, was shocked by the turn of events.

“Tyler’s team was mediocre all season -- he’s honestly lucky he even made the playoffs. Last week he got completely smashed by 70 points and I only lost by 2, so I figured I’d at least take home the bronze,” Peters said. “But somehow, every one of his players had the best game of their season, and half the teams they played for didn’t even make the playoffs. What the hell?”

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Bullock’s childhood best friend and League Commissioner Brandon Collins was more bullish on what took place. as well.

“People will say it’s crazy, that they’ve never seen a team score this many points, or peak one week too late,” Collins said. “But those people have probably never played fantasy football.”

Further investigation revealed that Collins himself is projected to win the league, meaning he will pocket the $200 in dues that have been sitting untouched in his Venmo account for 4 months.

At press time, Bullock was thrilled to see the high score but remained disappointed. 

“I needed that 200 bucks,” he said. “I would love to turn my heat back on.”

End of the Bench will have more on this story as soon as we celebrate our bronze medal.

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