Family Fantasy Football League Suspends Aunt Cheryl for 2022 Season

By Andrew Haskell

SAINT PAUL, MINNESOTA - With the 2022 Fantasy Football season merely weeks away, the Johnson Family Fantasy Football League (JFFFL) has suspended General Manager and Team Owner Aunt Cheryl for the 2022 season for “behavior unbecoming of a Johnson family member.”

League commissioner and older cousin Dale Johnson had previously warned Cheryl for her repeated violations of the league’s Facebook page rules, which clearly state it is “a politics-free zone.”

“She kept posting Qanon stuff and making illegitimate claims about the 2020 Presidential Election,” Dale said when reached for comment. “I’m all for healthy debate, even when there’s overwhelming evidence to support her arguments as nothing but incoherent nonsense, but we need to stick to fantasy football if this league wants to last.”

Dale added that on top of Cheryl’s constant bemoaning about the current political climate, the three-time league champion had also been previously warned for other inappropriate conversations, including asking Cousin Allison when she was having kids, despite just having graduated college. 

The JFFFL has been tested by multiple family members in recent years, including an incident in 2018, when Cousin Dylan skipped the draft to meet his then-crush Wendy Shakopee at the movies. 

The youngest member of the league eventually faced no punishment after it was decided getting ghosted by Wendy was punishment enough.

The suspension of Cheryl, known mostly for her drafting players with the funniest names and those that remind her of cast members from the A-Team, comes as a big surprise to other league participants. 

“I can’t believe he [Dale] did it,” one family member who wished to remain anonymous said when asked about the suspension. “You’ve got to have some balls to do that and think you’re getting a Christmas present this year.”

According to the league’s by-laws, Cheryl will have a chance to appeal her suspension at the next family dinner, set to take place at her younger sister Stacey’s home, just days before the league’s draft takes place. 

In the interim, great uncle Remus Johnson has been named interim General Manager and Owner of the “Bring Back Tebow” franchise.

When asked about the responsibility, Remus was quoted as saying “Is this done on the zoom chat? Do I need a wifi?”

End of the Bench will have more as this story develops.