ESPN Hires CNN’s John King, Magic Wall

By Ryan David

BRISTOL, Conn.——ESPN has hired CNN journalist and political reporter John King.

King is best known for operating CNN’s iconic touchscreen election map, the “Magic Wall.” Since 2008, he has used the interactive device to present live results on election night, providing in-depth and real-time analysis of outcomes in every presidential race.

The renowned correspondent and the Magic Wall are expected to apply his statistical prowess across various programming and debuted his talents this week on Monday Night Football.

“So, the Dolphins hold the Rams to 14 yards in the first and lead going into the half. You might think Miami will win this game,” said King at half-time while frantically swiping across a map of Pennsylvania. “Well, not so fast. At this point last week, Kamala Harris led Donald Trump in Beaver County, which Trump overcame. But can Rams quarterback Matt Stafford match Tua’s numbers in LA County? Let's look at 2016...”

The appearance was met with lukewarm reviews. Reportedly, King’s attention to detail and long-winded assessments frustrate his new colleagues.

“I told him to play the clip. Instead, John politely insisted that stats-focused Dolphins games result in 42% higher ratings,” remarked sportscaster Joe Buck. ”I said, people don’t care how many electoral votes Florida has, Tua just threw a pick! But that only led to another twenty minutes about Miami-Dade County's shifting demographics.” 

King’s lecture on First Take was equally puzzling. When asked if the Vikings would make the Super Bowl, the analyst spoke about the NFC standings at tedious length.

“Let’s say the Commands win the East and Minnesota loses the North. They’re done, right? Hang on a second. The Vikings must outlast Philly now, get through Green Bay, then beat Detroit. Once again: Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Michigan – that’s the blue wall,” urged King with skeptical assurance. “Biden rebuilt it in 2020. Can Sam Darnold do the same, or will he repeat Harris’ mistakes? It’s too soon to call.”

ESPN has also expressed concern about the tenured journalist’s work ethic. End of the Bench spoke to an anonymous staffer about the matter.

“The Wall doesn’t leave John’s side. It’s chained to his leg, and he drags it everywhere, even into the bathroom. Someone jokingly asked if they could check their emails on it. John didn’t laugh. He just teared up and dejectedly claimed that the Wall would never cheat on him.“

Yet, King’s company is still welcome through the ups and downs.

“He’s the real deal,” declared Stephen A. Smith. “I love his presence, and I’m learning new stuff every day. Did you know there are three branches of government? Unbelievable.”

As King settles in, sports fans can enjoy his cameos on Pardon the Interruption, SportsCenter, the NASCAR Cup Series Championship, and ESPN 30 for 30: The Aaron Hernandez Story.

End of the Bench will have more on this story after we figure out who John King is.

Related stories: