ESPN Announces New Show Will Be an Hour-Long Shot of LeBron's Crotch

By Clay Beyersdorfer

In a bold move that has left sports fans scratching their heads, ESPN announced yesterday their latest addition to their primetime programming lineup: an hour-long show dedicated to a close-up of LeBron James' crotch. 

Titled subtly “Bron’s Crotch,” the show promises to bring fans an “unprecedented look at the NBA superstar's nether region.” 

“Whether it's his signature pregame adjustment, a post-dunk celebration, or adjusting himself before a post-game press conference, viewers will get an up-close view of LeBron's groin area, complete with slow-motion replays and in-depth analysis from a panel of crotch experts - including medical experts, porn stars and closeted politicians,” said ESPN spokesperson Sarah Jenkins in a statement. “We’re providing coverage never seen before; unless you watched the softcore porn on the old HBO, not this new MAX thing.”

The announcement has sparked a heated debate among viewers, with many questioning the network's priorities, as well as their already exhaustive coverage of the future Hall of Famer.

"I thought ESPN was about covering sports, not broadcasting a one-hour special on someone's crotch,” said an industry source who wished to remain anonymous. “What’s next, asking Eli and Peyton to do the Manningcast topless?” 

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Critics also argue that the network has lost touch with the essence of sports journalism, opting instead for shock value and “woke” thrills. 

ESPN and parent company Disney, however, remains unfazed by the backlash, claiming the show is a groundbreaking way to engage with their audience. 

"We're just trying to bring the fans what they want," said Jenkins. "And that’s Lebron. More Lebron. Must have more Lebron.”

Despite the backlash, there are some who see the potential in "Bron’s Crotch," including self-proclaimed crotch enthusiast, Gary "The Gooch" Garrison, who believes the show could be a game-changer. 

"Finally, we're giving athletes’ crotches the attention they deserve," Henderson exclaimed. "It's going to be arousing television."

As the premiere date approaches, rumors have begun to circulate that ESPN is already planning spin-off shows, including "Brady's Boners" and "Yankee Yanks."

End of the Bench will have more as this story develops.

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