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End of Football Season Means Man Can Get Back to Waiting for New Football Season
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By Devin Wallace
DECATUR, Ill. — For longtime football fan Bryce Winters, the end of the 2024-2025 NFL season means plenty of time for other neglected passions, like furiously waiting until the start of the 2025-2026 season.
“I’ve been so busy with the playoffs and the Super Bowl that I’ve barely had time to freak out with excitement about next year's playoffs and next year’s Super Bowl,” said Winters, tearing up as he took down his 2024 team calendar, before smiling like a golden retriever and putting up his 2025 team calendar.
“It’s important to slow down, take a breath, and remember the other important things in life, like painstakingly studying next year’s team's available cap space, or furiously updating your seventh Mock Draft of the offseason. I guess it also gives me time to do some important stuff my wife mentioned, something with the gutters, maybe?” said Winters, failing to notice water pouring from a crack in his ceiling while he compared season ticket prices for next year’s games.
While Winters says he will miss the endless debate about how the last NFL season played out, he’s excited to branch out into new hobbies, like listening to even more ESPN personalities shout about the upcoming season.
“I think all the talk about Lamar’s postseason issues or the Bills' shortcomings was really interesting last year, but I think we’ve all had enough chatter about Lamar’s 2024 NFL campaign,” said Winters, declining a call from his wife to continue watching a Free Agency preview video on TikTok. “It’s time to sit back, pour ourselves a drink, and shout at our buddies about how he’ll blow his 2025 campaign.”
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Many of Winters’ friends say they’re hopeful the end of this NFL season will allow their friend to recapture some of his previous passions.
“It was all NFL season this, or NFL season that,” said Winters’ coworker Frank LeDunne. “All he talked about was what happened last week during the season. I miss the old Bryce, who cared about things that mattered, like how Week One would be a big week for our team, almost as big as Week Two, and other important things, like how big Week Three is for us. Priorities, you know?”
Winters said the nicest thing about the end of the NFL season is a sense of relaxation.
“I finally get a chance to relax from the stress of spending every Sunday on the couch in my garage, drinking eight or nine beers, and threatening violence against grown men I’ve never met. Now I get a chance to put my feet up - I never really took them down - and enjoy life’s creature comforts, like drinking eight or nine beers and threatening violence against grown men I’ve never met if they take the wrong interior lineman from Michigan.”
Winters’ wife, Sheila, said she’s so relieved her husband will finally have time to prioritize their marriage.
After looking into the garage window and seeing her husband flipping off Mel Kiper Jr, she also said that she’s excited to have some time to shop for divorce attorneys.
End of the Bench will have more on this story after we wait for football.
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