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Draft King of France Declares War on Draft King of Spain
This means war.
In partnership with
His Royal Heiness.
By Joe Fernandez
SPAIN—A peaceful coexistence between the Draft Kings has finally faltered as the Draft King of France Declared War on the Draft King of Spain early Sunday morning.
The tension had been building after Spain annexed the “Refer Your Friends For Bonus Bets!” territory belonging to the Draft King of Portugal, a staunch ally of the French Draft King.
The Spanish Draft King, Felipe LoPayout III, is the fifth in a long line of LoPayouts to hold the crown.
Experts in the region say the recent Spanish aggression resulted from the chaotic state of French leadership following Napoleon BonaParlay's exile to ElbadBeat Island.
“It seems the Spanish Draft Throne sees weakness and is pouncing on it,” broadcaster Brad Nessberger commented live from the sidelines of the war.
“That’s right, Brad. The collapse of the French Draft Revolution has left the French Throne weak, and the Spanish Draft King is looking to pounce. France can’t just take that lying down. Should be a good war,” color commentator George RR Martin added.
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The pre-war TNT broadcast hosted by Ernie Johnson featured analysis from Charles Barkley and the ghost of Jimmy “The Greek” Snyder.
“The fans on both sides are great,” Barkley said. “France will be going on the road as they invade Spain. Fans from both regions have challenged each other to 10-pace face-offs with guns. FanDuels, if you will. Should be a fun matchup,” he added.
“Well, you know why the French have more athletic people than the Spanish, right?” Jimmy the Greek said before TNT cut straight to the emergency broadcast signal.
End of the Bench has decided not to recite what Jimmy the Greek was reported to have said. Still, it’s similar to what’s on his Wikipedia page if readers would like more context and understand why he was exiled from the Democratic Draft Republic of Greece.
Fans may now place bets on the war online at Caesars, the Draft Emperor of Rome.
ODDS:
Money line (France -120) Over/Under Casualties (30 million)
4-leg Parlay:
France takes control of the Cata-Loan-ia region
Kylian MBappe scores first kill
Victor Wembanyama over 40% shooting
Pau Gasol 10+ rebounds
End of the Bench will have more on this story after we put this parlay in.
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