Day Drinking Event Also Features Minor League Baseball Game or Something

By Devin Wallace

MEMPHIS — Local alcohol enthusiast Jason Banks discovered the afternoon beer-drinking event he was attending at some sort of sports complex also included a little side event on the grass, an activity referred to as a “Minor League Baseball” game.

“It was a surprise because I thought the stadium was only used for beer tastings, or concerts of rock bands your Dad used to listen to,” said Banks, handing over a novelty-tasting glass to a confused Dippin Dots employee. “Apparently the guys on the field, the ones wearing the weird uniforms or whatever, do this in the stadium a lot, like a part-time job or something.”

The 38-year-old amateur mixologist spent the majority of the contest, which featured future Hall of Fame players displaying their talents in a once-in-a-lifetime head-to-head opportunity, wandering around the concourse, muttering about the quality of beer aficionados in attendance.

“The crowd wasn’t really into it,” said Banks, ‘it’ referred to the fictional binge-drinking event he was putting himself through, and not the baseball game eleven thousand paying fans were focused on. “Everyone just sat in their seats staring at the guys on the grass. I didn’t hear a single person ask about IBUs or which specific field they picked their Belgian grains from.”

Banks continued to describe what very clearly resembled a minor-league baseball game.

“They put some funny people up on the Jumbotron: there was a dance contest, a kissing cam, and a guy proposed to his girlfriend because I guess they love day drinking events or something,” said Banks, after asking a Budweiser vendor about his seasonal varieties.  “But then they kept showing a bunch of uniformed employees running around that field, and I’m like, cut back to the dancing Dads.”

After circling the concourse seventeen times throughout the afternoon, Banks was stunned to learn the stadium ended beer concessions during the 7th inning.

“They said the event would last three hours, but they stopped serving after two hours! It was so unnecessary” Banks said, about the very necessary restriction to prevent drunk driving. “I tried to rally some of the other people at the event, but nobody was on my side, not the other attendees, not the security guards who were called, and not the state police who had to intervene when I tried to claw up the rolling gates of the Shake Shack.”

Authorities said Banks is no longer welcome at the stadium for any type of event, including the New York State Beer Festival - the most popular drinking event of the year - scheduled for next weekend.

End of the Bench will have more on this story after one more beer.

Related stories: