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Customers Outraged as Brewery Prioritizes Stanley Cup Finals Over Board Game Night
Not everybody was excited for Game 7.
By Dan Bookbinder
CORAL SPRINGS, Fl. – Local board game enthusiast Justin Richards is in arms over his local brewery's decision to broadcast Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals, clashing with the Dice Tower Meetup group's weekly board game night.
“It’s bad enough they keep the lights so low that it’s impossible to review game materials and to enjoy the curated playlist of the top compositions from the Final Fantasy scores on my Bluetooth speaker,” said Richards when reached for comment. “But we’ve held this time slot for three years, couldn’t they just show the dumb sports ball game another time?”
When asked who won last night’s Game 7 of The Stanley Cup Finals, Richards could have cared less.
“Wake me up when Connor McDavid becomes a Dungeon Master,” he said. “That’s when I know he’s not afraid of the big moment.”
Despite review-bombing the brewery on Yelp and threatening to take their business elsewhere, the staff of Shipyard Brewing remain unconcerned with the board gamers’ complaints.
“We’re a bar, not a comic book store,” said bartender Kyle Monroe as he swept up pieces of Pocky Sticks from the floor. “They get crazier than hockey fans anyway. Last week a guy tried to bring a bow and arrow in here, claiming he was some guy named ‘Legolas’ or something. They’re more than welcome to leave as far as I’m concerned.”
This toxic dynamic between bar owners and game enthusiasts has led to the establishment of gamer rights groups, such as the Chicago-based Board Game Enthusiasts Against Treasonous Tavernkeepers (BGEATT).
“We support our brothers in arms in Florida in their outrage,” said BGEATT founder Christian Blake. “I too have known the humiliation of being forced to give up an established and well-regarded Magic: The Gathering group from our table at Pizzeria Uno back in October 2016, just because some old guy wanted to have his entire family together to see the Cubs win the World Series. Pretty sad to see our elders care so much about watching grown men throw a ball rather than the thrill of complex combat with a perfectly cultivated deck.”
At press time, Shipyard Brewery was committed to airing and even hosting future sporting events, noting that their Memorial Day Cornhole Tournament was a success despite the local LARP group claiming the outdoor picnic tables that afternoon.
End of the Bench will have more on this story after we hoist Lord Stanley’s cup.
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