Conspiracy Theorists Speculate on Who Built High School Cheer Pyramids

By Henry Loe

EGYPT, Ark.— A small town in rural Arkansas has gained national attention this week after faculty members at King Tut High School, home of the Pharaohs, discovered several pyramids scattered across the football field, sources told End of the Bench.

The first reports came in the morning after an embarrassing loss to cross-town rivals Holy Moses Prep, who unleashed their wrath on the injury-plagued Pharaohs.

The obscure structures, entirely made up of the football team’s cheerleaders, have caused experts from all disciplines, including respected archeologists, scientists, and self-proclaimed ‘alien aficionados’ to flock to the scene to hopefully find out who built these pyramids and, most importantly, why.

“It’s obvious this is some form of witchcraft,” said Egypt resident Don Rockwell. “Doesn’t anyone listen to the cheerleaders? They kept shouting, ‘We’ve got spirit, yes we do. We’ve got spirit, how about you?’ all night long. I know a witch chant when I hear one. It all makes sense now.“

While many local populous claimed the cheer team was under some self-inflicted spell, the Ancient Astronaut Theorists from Ancient Aliens had other opinions that seemed to agree unanimously.

One theorist, Dr. Daryl Vonn Lang, who was blacklisted from the scientific community after claiming his routine colonoscopy was an alien abduction, agreed to share his two cents with End of the Bench.

“I’ve been studying extraterrestrial life ever since my — ‘incident,’ and there’s no doubt in my mind these structures are not of this world,” the Doctor said as he placed a tin foil hat on his head.  “I’ve seen the technology these beings possess and know what they’re capable of.”

After the Doctor had a minor breakdown, he continued explaining his point.

“Look at the cheerleader on top, for example. How on earth did they climb up there without the whole thing collapsing? Since aliens are responsible, the real questions we should be asking are: Who are they? Why are they here? And are any of them related to LeBron James?”

After the area cleared for the day, the cheerleading coach approached End of the Bench reporters, providing much-needed answers to this mystery.

“This whole thing was just a stunt so that people would finally acknowledge the cheerleaders, but we never expected it to get this much attention. We’re sick and tired of coordinating all these chants and doing death-defying stunts only to be completely ignored. We’re just asking repetitive questions. Even getting one single letter from the crowd is like pulling teeth.”

After the coach’s statement, witnesses reported seeing two men in black suits escort the cheer coach to a black Cadillac with no license plate.

End of the Bench will have more on this story after we contact the Men in Black.

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