'Challengers' Spurs Renewed Interest In Tennis Among Porn Lovers

by Mike Range

The romantic tennis drama “Challengers” was the number-one film in the US last week, renewing what had been flagging interest in the sport among the nation’s pornography enthusiasts.

Pornhub spokesman Dick Longman revealed that uploads of tennis-themed threesomes have increased ten-fold since the Zendaya-led film was released.

“You wouldn’t think tennis necessarily lends itself to three-ways, but I doubt there’s a public court in the country that hasn’t been defiled this week by wannabe Zendaya and what’s-their-names,” Longman said. “Mostly, it’s ‘players’ competing to get calls from the ‘chair umpire’ by going to carnal extremes. The arguments start, ‘In!’ ‘Out!’ “In!’ and, well, you see where that goes.”

Mr. Longman questions why the industry ever lost focus on the sport.

“It’s all there — short skirts, heavy breathing, sweaty, fit bodies — the setup is great. And the grunting! Close your eyes and tell me that’s not people having sex. I mean, there’s no reason a horny teacher can’t be a horny tennis pro, and MILFs and stepdads can certainly shift their inappropriate behavior from the living room to the locker room. It’s good to jazz things up a bit.”

Many connoisseurs of the sexual arts are flocking to porn sites after a disappointing experience with Challengers.

Explained Pornhub customer Stuart X, “I had to quickly find some tennis threesomes online after being lured into Challengers under false pretenses. The trailer severely oversold the threesomes occurring in the movie, which turned out to be ZERO. A little bit of kissing then a bunch of tennis? I’d have been better off watching the Tennis Channel and using my imagination.”

Longman assures potential customers that finding titillating tennis trios on Pornhub couldn’t be easier.

“If you enter a bunch of tennis terms in Google — grip, balls, smash, jam, stroke — you’re bound to end up at our site. Take a real whack at it, if you know what I mean.”

End of the Bench will have more as soon as we get the courage to go see Challengers.

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