Carlos Correa Passes Physical Given by Dr. Darlos Dorrea

By Devin Wallace

MINNEAPOLIS-ST.PAUL - Shortstop Carlos Correa has agreed to a deal with the Minnesota Twins, after lengthy negotiations and an off-season of headaches surrounding the health of his ankle prolonged what will end up being a $200 million deal.

After doctors refused to sign off on the long-term health of the All-Star’s ankle, leading to the San Francisco Giants and New York Mets rescinding their own contract offers, Correa managed to finally get the go-ahead from Dr. Darlos Dorrea, who definitely isn’t Carlos in a wig and fake beard.

“In my professional opinion as an ankle doctor, a job I spent some number of years in college or maybe medical school for, Carlos is perfectly fine,” said Dr. Dorrea while a plastic mustache fell off his face. “Look how strong this ankle…I mean, how strong Carlos’ ankle is. Probably looks very similar to my own very healthy ankle. Very strong, very healthy, very much worth two hundred million dollars.”

The test results were announced from the offices of Dr. Dorrea, located fifty feet from Carlos Correa’s home, in what used to be his pool house.

“Dr. Dorrea is the best there is,” said Correa, while shoving a thick Party City wig into his pocket. “In fact, you should all talk to him some more. I’ll go get him and be right back.”

Correa proceeded to sprint out of the room, followed by the sound of the pool house door opening and an unnamed figure shouting “honey, what did you do with my Fisher-Price stethoscope?” before a very sweaty Dr. Dorrea stumbled back into the room.

“That Carlos, what a great guy. Friendly, totally funny, and let’s not forget his super strong ankles. I’m just a professional doctor of ankle medicine and surgery-related…medicine…but if I were on a professional baseball team I’d be so disappointed to have passed on him. I bet he’d like to say a thing or two to Steve Cohen, but if I know Carlos, he did the adult thing and wrote it down in my, I mean his, diary instead.”

Dr. Dorrea then proceeded to say his wife, Mrs. Carlita Dorrea, had something to say, and reporters present all agreed they heard the sound of two balloons being inflated.