Caleb Williams Relieved He Only Has to Get Sacked 1000 More Times Before the Season Is Over

By Lauren Grimaldi

CHICAGO – After being sacked nine times against the New England Patriots in Week 10, Chicago Bears rookie quarterback Caleb Williams has found a silver lining in his short time in the NFL.  

“Obviously, this whole season has sucked, but with over half of it gone, I figure I only have to get sacked; what? 800-1000 more times? How bad could that be?” Williams said. 

Williams added that while this isn’t how he envisioned his first season going, he has learned to appreciate every minute of living out his dream of being viciously tackled to the ground by large men several times per game without a break. 

“To have already hit rock bottom this early in my career is a blessing, and I’m grateful to the entire Bears organization for it,” Williams explained. 

Despite the team’s struggles, head coach Matt Eberflus still sees reasons to be optimistic about the locker room's current group. 

“We have a lot of good guys in this room,” Eberflus said. “I’m not saying they’re good at football, but they are good guys. Teven Jenkins even picked me up from the airport once.” 

While fans across Chicago have expressed concern that this disastrous season might end up hurting Williams’ career long-term, they do feel like he’s fitting in well in Chicago.

“I mean, it would probably feel kind of weird if it all worked out and he ended up being really good, right?” said Jimmy Giordano, a native South Sider. “He is a Chicago Bear to and through. He’ll fit in perfectly with our incredibly mediocre history, and we love him for it.” 

Despite concerns from fans and experts across the league, Williams reassured everyone that he was not worried at all.

“No, why would I be? I’m completely fine,” Williams said while crouching down on the ground and bracing for a hit. “Oh my bad, I thought you guys were going to come at me. Just a force of habit, I guess.”

End of Bench attempted to reach members of the Bears offensive line for comment, but they were too busy standing around doing nothing.

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