13 Sports Gifts We Want This Christmas

By Clay Beyersdorfer, Victoria Flynn, Maury Levine, Tatum Price, Ryan David, Lauren Grimaldi, Henry Loe, Nicki Escudero, Doug Kolic, Joe Fernandez

1. More orange hockey cones - To set boundaries for my relatives staying with us.

2. Referee Shirt - So I can walk right into Foot Locker's stock room and take what I want.

3. Tennis ball scented candle - To set the mood for my Challengers fantasy.

4. Ozempic - To lie and say I've been training for a marathon.

5. Variety: A Super Bowl that doesn’t feature the Chiefs.

6. New owners, new coach, new offensive line, new everything - I know it’s a lot to ask, but I am a Bears fan. Cut me some slack.

7. Jake Paul - To fight my elderly in-laws

8. Kendall Jenner’s face and body - So I can finally fulfill my dream of dating an NBA player.

9. A goddamn unsubscribe button from Yahoo goddamn Sports newsletters - Seriously, I have been trying to unsubscribe all fantasy season, and it does not work.

10. An NBA doctor on retainer - To write me notes to miss work for “maintenance days.”

11. An Aaron Rodgers Darkness Retreat - To see what brings someone so perilously close to the brink of insanity.

12. A dad in the NBA - So I can sit courtside at Lakers games.

13. Basic Football Knowledge - So I can regift it to the College Football Playoff Committee.

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