13 New Year's Sports Resolutions for 2024

By the End of the Bench Staff

1. To finally learn who this "Simone Biles" is - Meg Reid

2. To yell less, and blow my whistle more - Clay Beyersdorfer

3. To work “Wembanyama” into every conversation because it’s fun to say - Mike Range

4. To not text the fantasy group chat “There’s never been this many injuries before!” when my best player goes down - Matt McInerney

5. To discover how to live until the year 2124 so I can be alive for the next Cubs World Series - Lauren Grimaldi

6. To convince my employees they should also forgo their salary until 2034 - Devin Wallace

7. To not ask where all the Saudi money comes From after joining LIV Golf - Divyansh Kulshrestha

8. To find out if the NFL's end zone slogans ended racism yet - Meg Reid

9. To touch every sports ball - Maury Levine

10. To improve the viewing experience for the average NBA fan by eliminating TV timeouts, excessive fouls, and the Detroit Pistons - Dave Henry

11. To find out who the hell decided baseball was "America's Pastime" instead of football - Parker Johnson

12. To not elbow the person next to me and say, “He’s Jewish, you know” whenever Amari Bailey comes up - Dan Bookbinder

13. To not let the Jets ruin my life (again) - Ryan David

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